Today was destined for failure.

H here to tell you that... well, read the title.  and for 2 reasons, actually.  Athletics has always been an issue for me since I have asthma that feels like its getting worse and worse. Today, since we have gym on thursdays, We got to play soccer. even by very-non-athletic friends were all lik e, in the zone or something, chasing the puffed up ball almost like they know how to play soccer, and I... I had 3 options.  1. pretend I know whats going on and play with the potential of messing up and completely failing. 2. go quit and get shamed-yelled at. 3. walk around casually, not playing but not quitting. It sounds like a dumb idea, but #3 is exactly what I did.  I walked around calmly, following the ball but never reaching it because some kids would purposely kick it very high to impress people and nobody else could reach, but I was not quitting. I asked/forced my friends to do it with me. I just kind of hopped on over to wherever the ball was, (I was just spinning is circles, That thing was all over the place!) and probably looked stupid.  But hey- Its better then "Rage-quitting" or pretending I know what i am doing and totally messing up.

The second failure today was  really bad. I somehow managed to get a "special part" in the school dance, and I was all excited and stuff... until we had practice today. It was my time to go on and i was not even remotely near the stage.  I realized I was 15 seconds late, (about 12 minutes in dancing time)  ran up to the stage and quickly did the dance with nobody else (since the other people in the part were still in the audience.) I awkwardly did the dance quickly and the part was over. giggles from the crowd.  then we did it again, this time I went on early and went way to fast. more giggles. Then again, when i was actually decent but my fellow special-parters were messing up. a lot more giggles. It was really sad because the three other special parts were flawless and every one clapped. I felt like an idiot and I wanted to rage-quit really bad.  I mean, my FRIENDS were laughing at me, thats how bad it was. The other girls special part was right after ours and my friends were in it and they were PERFECT!!! No flaws! (that were pointed out.) NOT ONE ISSHUE!!! And not only that, but their special part looks so much more girly and adorable and special then the one that I am in does... When the girls in the amazingly special special part tried my dance, of course, It looked perfect and sharp. then i try it and compared to them, I looked like some sort of diseased squirrel. I could feel shame practically oozing out of me. Of course, i got over it. We always do. It wasn't even a big deal, anyway. I laughed, too. But hey... Today was destined for failure. but its Thursday, and by tomorrow I'll have everything just fine.

P.S- post number 40!!!